First Class Mail.

Although I haven't changed much from my rough draft, I've decided it was good enough to be sent to Korea. Here is my letter that could possibly change my life. Wish me luck! Either way, I'm a pretty lucky lady! Xoxo

Dear Hye Hee Yoo,

I don't even know where to begin my letter to you. I feel I have so much to say, so much I want to share with you. Please take my letter with an open heart, an open mind.

I just recently started my search for you and was truly blessed to be able to come across information that made my heart melt. You are an absolutely incredible woman, a strong individual that I admire from so far away.

All I can say is thank you, thank you for giving me a chance, thank you for giving me life.

Growing up I knew I was adopted, I knew I was special. I was adopted into the most amazing family and I have you to thank for that. I would like to share with you about my family. My father, Daniel, is a retired computer graphic artist who worked at a local TV station. My mother, Kathleen, works at a major hospital organization. My brother, Michael, who is also adopted from South Korea, is a regional manager for UPS. My mother and father have been married for 30 years. I really couldn't have been more blessed to have given a chance with such a loving family. We are all very close and they are extremely excited and unbelievably supportive of my search.

I guess that leaves me. I should introduce myself, my name is Jessica Lynn Hubrich. I am 27 years old, my birthday is September 19th. I own my own business as a hair stylist and absolutely love it. I have lived in Milwaukee, Wisconsin ever since I was adopted. When you brought me to the adoption agency not long after that I was taken in by a foster family. Soon after that I was lucky enough to be adopted. I came on a plane with a service man who was coming home and apparently he told my parents 'Is this yours? Good luck, she cried the entire way.' Still, nothing has changed, I'm still emotional and cry!

My brother and I decided to take a trip to South Korea to see our roots a couple years ago. It was incredible. We both don't speak the language, but somehow we managed. We stayed in Seoul, which is where my brother is from. Our hotel was beyond beautiful and everyone was so accommodating. We decided to hire a translator and driver for a whole day and got to see some pretty amazing local places.

I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I think of you a lot. What you're doing. Where you are. Do I look like you? Do you think of me? Will I ever find you? Have you tried looking for me?

Nothing in life is perfect, not even close to perfect, but my life has always been pretty close. My family has always been supportive in any and everything my brother and I have wanted to do. My goals and aspirations have taken me to a place in my life where I absolutely love what I do, I have something to live for, and you gave me that life to live. Growing up in a pretty perfect world, I never thought twice of who I was or where I came from. My parents always bought me books on Korea, language learning tapes, anything to help me remember where I came from. I had a fabulous life, I didn't care where I came from, I cared about where I was now.

Everybody has a story. Everybody knows their once upon a time beginning, where and how their life came about. I'm missing mine, and I feel I'm grown and mature enough to learn about my beginning.

You gave me the most precious gift, my life. A chance in the world that I would have never had if it wasn't for your strength and most selfless act. I will forever cherish you in my heart. I hope this letter finds you safe and well. It would be my absolute wish to have a response from you.

I have enclosed pictures of myself and my family through my years. I hope you enjoy.

Ill love you always,

Yeon Sil Yoo

Jessica Lynn Hubrich

Here we go again...

I took a break from my search for my biological mother and finally decided my break was way too long! Still with curiosities on my mind, sitting at a standstill is not going to help me, time to keep moving forward!

With my rough draft letter to her just sitting on my computer, and relationships that have ended and new that began... time for major revisions! :)

Rough draft #1

Dear Hye Hee Yoo,

I don't even know where to begin my letter to you. I feel I have so much to say, so much I want to share with you. Please take my letter with an open heart, an open mind.

I just recently started my search for you and was truly blessed to be able to come across information that made my heart melt. You are an absolutely incredible woman, a strong individual that I admire from so far away.

All I can say is thank you, thank you for giving me a chance, thank you for giving me life.

Growing up I knew I was adopted, I knew I was special. I was adopted into the most amazing family and I have you to thank for that. I would like to share with you about my family. My father, Daniel, is a retired computer graphic artist who worked at a local TV station. My mother, Kathleen, works at a major hospital organization. My brother, Michael, who is also adopted from South Korea, is a regional manger for UPS. My mother and father have been married for 30 years. I really couldn't have been more blessed to have given a chance with such a loving family. We are all very close and they are extremely excited and unbelievably supportive of my search.

I guess that leaves me. I should introduce myself, my name is Jessica Lynn Hubrich. I am 27 years old, my birthday is September 19th. I own my own business as a hair stylist and absolutely love it. I have lived in Milwaukee, Wisconsin ever since I was adopted. When you brought me to the adoption agency not long after that I was taken in by a foster family. Soon after that I was lucky enough to be adopted. I came on a plane with a service man who was coming home and apparently he told my parents 'Is this yours? Good luck, she cried the entire way.' Still, nothing has changed, I'm still emotional and cry!

My brother and I decided to take a trip to South Korea to see our roots a couple years ago. It was incredible. We both don't speak the language, but somehow we managed. We stayed in Seoul, which is where my brother is from. Our hotel was beyond beautiful and everyone was so accommodating. We decided to hire a translator and driver for a whole day and got to see some pretty amazing local places.

I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I think of you a lot. What you're doing. Where you are. Do I look like you? Do you think of me? Will I ever find you? Have you tried looking for me?

Nothing in life is perfect, not even close to perfect, but my life has always been pretty close. My family has always been supportive in any and everything my brother and I have wanted to do. My goals and aspirations have taken me to a place in my life where I absolutely love what I do, I have something to live for, you gave me that life to live. Growing up in a pretty perfect world, I never thought twice of who I was or where I came from. My parents always bought me books on Korea, language learning tapes, anything to help me remember where I came from. I had a fabulous life, I didn't care where I came from, I cared about where I was now.

Everybody has a story. Everybody knows their once upon a time beginning, where and how their life came about. I'm missing mine, and I feel I'm grown and mature enough to learn about my beginning.

You gave me the most precious gift, my life. A chance in the world that I would have never had if it wasn't for your strength and most selfless act. I will forever cherish you in my heart. I hope this letter finds you safe and well. It would be my absolute wish to have a response from you.

Ill love you always,
Yeon Sil Yoo
Jessica Lynn Hubrich

Do I call you mother?

Sue from the adoption agency thought it would be a good idea if I wrote my biological mother a letter. If they did find her, they could give this to her and give her the option of meeting me, if she even wanted to move forward. At least then, she would know a little about me and know I was thinking about her.

I started my rough draft and feel its all over the place already. I'm no English major so it's going to take a lot of editing! Ill post it as I get further along and please give feedback! I need it!

I don't even know where to start, I don't know even know how to address it properly! I don't want to make it a long drawn out letter, but i feel I have so much to say!

Maybe a good nights sleep will help me think. Although, this is all I can think about, who knows if ill be able to sleep!

Wish me luck! Xoxo

Yeon Sil Yoo

I ended up calling Sue from Luthern Social Services and finding out information about my once upon a time. She briefed me on the email she had read and even then, my heart sank. She forwarded me the email she received from Korea and reminded me that if I needed anything, I could call her at any time. 


I found myself in a state of devestation. I found myself feeling guilty. I couldn't stop crying and rereading the email over and over and over, I almost had it memorized.

I thank everyday for Ryan in my life, he is my rock, and although he doesn't deal well with emotion, he made me feel at ease and reminded me that it wasn't my fault and just held me while I cried. I, of course, called my mom right away to tell her the news and I couldn't even read her the email, the tears came out like a leaky faucet, so Ryan had to do it. I talked to my mom for a while about it and it makes me thankful everyday for my life. My mother is my absolute world, moms always know best right? Well this woman does! Everything she said made sense, she gave me guidance, she gave me comfort, she gave me life. This woman is my only mother, she knows me, she gets me. I then had to tell my brother. This was his response:

'And you know why
I'm against abortions and
pro adoptions besides
obviously being adopted.
You never know what
you're giving up. If this
woman was pro abortion, I
wouldn't have a sister so
I'm glad there are many
people that think like me.'


Coming from the kid who pushed me down the stairs, the kid who told the priest at confessional he hates his sister. I was a mess. This is something I will never forget, words that will never leave my heart, a text from my brother that meant more to me than anything in the world.


Ryan had to go do a measurement for work and I didn't have any energy to go with, so I stayed home and fell asleep. As I woke up, it was like everything was a dream. I grabbed my iPad right away just to check to see if it was real, and it sure was. Ryan got home shortly after with a beautiful bouquet of roses and an incredibly sweet handwritten card and dinner for us.


I ended up calling my clients I had scheduled for Friday and rescheduling them. I just couldn't bring myself to work, or do anything. I had a billion thoughts going through my mind and they wouldn't stop. I'm incredibly thankful I have such an understanding and loyal clientele. I think most knew something had happened with my search. 


I went to work on Saturday and people would ask me about it, and I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I felt ashamed, embarrassed. I was holding back tears all day, that I couldn't wait to just come home and crawl in bed.


I'd like to share my letter with you, exactly how I received it, nothing changed.


'Dear Sue

  I hope this email finds you well.

I am sending this very reply as I need time to think if I provide you and Yeon Sil with the additional information, the adoption background is very sensitive. I think I need your agency help to think and decide to release the information to Yeon Sil.
   The birth mother was born in Seoul and had grown up in Kyeongsangnamdo. She was the only child in her family. She was quiet and passive person. She had fair skin and was good looking. She was in the 1st grade in high school.  Her actual age was 17, but registered as 19 by mistake. She was Christian, had no family medical history.
   There was no information about the birth father at all.
   While the birth mother was on her back home from school late at night, she was faced with one guy and had relationship with him by force. She had not recognized her conception unitl 6 months. She was too afraid to tell to her mother, she became to give birth to.
  The birth clinic director introduced her our agency.
   While she was pregnant, she did not see a doctor nor took medicine.
   It was 10-month full term delivery. The baby weighed 2.8kg and was healthy.

 With this case, it is very delicate and careful to approach to the birth mother through our experience.
  Could you check with Yeon Sil if she still hopes to find the birth mother?


  We really appreciate for your assistance for the families.'

After opening up to more and more and being able to talk about it, I came across someone so inspiring who I was excited to tell. My client/friend Tracey. She opened her heart to adopting two children. We talked about options, about her children, about all the positives, she has showed me blogs and articles on adoptees finding their families, just absolutely inspiring. I can't thank you enough Tracey!


The big question is, am I going to continue?


The way I look at it is, I have an absolutely amazing life. Everyone in my life has touched me in some way and made me who I am. The only thing I can do from this experience is gain. I may not be prepared for such an emotional journey, but with the support I have, what do I have to lose? Absolutely nothing.

Hurry

Waiting for Ryan to get home so we can call Sue...

My palms are sweaty, I'm going a little bonkers in my head, I don't know what to think.

Im like a little kid on Christmas. I heard the door shut. He's home! Here goes nothing...

I want to, but I don't...

Day by day I check my email, same old stuff, sign up for this, sign up for that, you could win this, you should buy this...only to find an email from Sue the lady helping me with my adoption case. I emailed her a little while ago asking if she had found anything, so assuming it was her response saying no, but we're still trying, yada, yada, yada. I open the email and it reads:

Dear Jessica,
Can you please give me a call when you get a minute.  I have recently received communication from Korea about your case.
Thanks

Two sentences that could completely change my world, my thoughts, my emotions. I have about a billion thoughts going through my mind. I want to call, but I don't. I'm excited, but I'm not. I'm incredibly nervous. I wonder what it could be?